That Oligarch in Me

I sometimes would know if I had to blog something if I'll start to talk to myself. That would be the perfect time to let it all out and publish it before it even goes away. 

Being always bored after work and having no social life for quite a while now. My routine would usually be Home-Work-Home. All week long. And on sundays, I would usually either stay home the entire day and complain on how bored I am or go out and drive somewhere unknown. 

What I would usually do after work, I would check my phone. Reply to work emails, check social media, reply to few text messages, back read viber group chats and all that. But what would really take most of my time is watching random youtube videos. I am forever a fan of any documentaries that interest me. Its my way of expanding my knowledge and awareness to what is really happening. And keeping myself updated to almost everything. 

This past few days, remembering the death of Ninoy Aquino I started my own research about it. I know that it was taught in school before but it only has one side to it. I started to dig deep and be curious about what really happened. And I ended up having an opinion of my own after hours and hours of watching documentaries. 

But anyway, I came back to reality after hours of watching and thought to myself that like the most powerful families in the Philippines, I too had an ambition so big that my parents sometimes would not understand. 

Growing up. I've always thought that money can buy everything. I guess because growing up, I had everything I could ever ask for. I never really a fun childhood like most people. My childhood were spent in piano lessons, swimming lessons, summer classes, and mostly be in our family business. 

While some of my friends would look forward to saturdays and sundays. I would usually dread it. Since it means that would be going to be in our shop again to just be there and watch or sometimes help out in any possible way. 

My parents already knew my future before anyone else. I my love for money grew in that sense. 

I've always pictured myself to be a good successor to my parents. I never really wanted to disappoint them in any way. They have very high expectations from me and my every move is being closely monitored. Its like every wrong decision always has to be corrected. In our family, getting recognition is unlikely. But getting criticism is in every single day. 

I have this ability to take good care of money once I have it and make it grow. Its really something that I've mastered since I was a kid. I look everything as an opportunity for profit rather than for leisure. I take things seriously in our business. And a drop in weekly sales would usually end up me thinking of ways and means to get it back up doubled the number the following week. 

Its sad though that the thing I hate most from my parents is the exact same thing that I am becoming. Greedy for money. 

I've always wanted more. I have a mind that of a notorious monopolist. For me, its never enough to just have what we have now. I am hungry for more power. And I will work my ass off for it. 

I never really knew how much money we have until such that I was given the opportunity to manage all the finances. All the while I thought I am growing up like everyone else. That having several house help is normal, or having someone drive you to your school everyday, or simply not doing household chores. Growing up, I thought everyone else had the same things I have, experience the same comfort that I have, own the same things I enjoy. I never knew how lucky I was not having problems with money at all. 

I remember the only complain I have before is that my parents weren't usually there for every school activity because of work. 

Now, everything made sense to me. 

I learned to appreciate everything I enjoyed growing up because I became part of the majority for a few years in my life. In college, and after college. 

I listened to other people's sentiments on how they grew up. On how hard it was for them to survive everyday because life isn't fair to them. 

I never really chose this life. I never chose to grow up having almost everything. 

And having said that, I remember the time when I almost killed myself in my room because of depression. I remember the stupid things i said to those people in twitter and email trying to comfort me. I remember how rude i was to all of them. I remember everything. And i regret every single thing of it. 

Now. My will to survive is to honor the responsibilities that my parents are entrusting me now. Everything they did was for my own good. To give me a good life. To give me an almost perfect life with everything that is just within arms reach. Because if I die, everything they've ever worked for in their entire life would be in vain. 

Chief Operations Officer, 

Z