Pre LoveDance thoughts

Pre lovedance thoughts? 

Its a simple way of enjoying what I really love to do ever since. 

Going out with friends. Great company, great food, eargasmic music. I couldn't really ask for more. 

I have been working darn hard for the past month. Countless sleepless nights trying to figure out new ways on how to be an effective manager. 

Im really a dreamer. I have high expectations for myself. I always have this vision of myself being a really sucessful business mogul. But getting there means a lot of hard work. 

Nothing in life really comes easy. 

More than just being a boss. I myself, am trying to experience what its like to be in the shoes of my employees. Doing even the things im not really used to. Doing stuff that would most likely put my health at risk. Thinking that we're dealing with fertilizers/chemicals everyday. 

I figured that if ill be in this industry for good. I would be having this scars/allergies that would always be visible to most people. 

Going back. Im really excited tomorrow. I know its not really much. But its been a while since the last time i went out and really had fun. 

I just want to feel good about myself. I want to be free from all the stress at work for just the weekend. I want to just scream my voice so loud to the bass drop of the dj playing my fave Edms. I want to raise my hands up and be carefree. I miss that feeling so bad. 

I miss being with people my age. 

Most of the time. Im dealing with very business minded individuals. Doing deals here and there. Its just really stressing me out. 

Working for my mom is nothing but a pain in the ass. Like seriously. I think i got the controller instinct from her. 

Its just so odd that she lets me handle the family business. But still does not let me speak my mind. I still dont have any say about anything. Its basically still her handling it. Im just her puppet. I want to do a lot more. But i couldnt because it will always be a NO. 

I guess thats basically the main reason why i really wanted to establish my own business. But i cant persue my own dreams thinking that they would again lack manpower in the shop. 

I gave up my blossoming career in Cebu for my mom. 

Looking back. Ive always followed her. From the piano lessons, swimming class, saturday stay in the shop when i was young. To what school to go during high school. Upto college. From what course to take and even approves what company ill be in. I always consult everything with her. If she said NO. I always follow. Not all the time though. But most of the time. 

I never had regrets though. I did benefit from a lot of it. I wouldnt be the man i am now if it wasnt for her strict upbringing. 

But sometimes, i just want to reach my own dreams too. 

If it was my way since the start, i really wanted to be a psychiatrist or a broadcast com major. I wanted to be in the advertising industry or anything related to journalism or media prod or events. Its where im good at. And i bet she doesnt even know. 

I wanted to go to UP or Ateneo for college. 

I wanted to be in BDO a year ago since they were recruiting me to be part of their mktg team. But my mom said to to stay in jpmc. 

Like earlier today. While going home. I decided to drive since i know she's also tired from working. But even my driving skills are still not okay with her. 

Sometimes. I just dont know where to put myself. 

Im afraid that one day. I'll just grow tired to saying yes to her. I guess this shows of how little we know about each other. 

- Z