❤️'s Day

No. This is not me. Just so you know before you even start reading. 

So today is the 14th of Feb. On a saturday. All i can do is check Viber, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. And all im seeing are posts about Valentines Day. 

What exactly are my thoughts? 

I paused for a while. And started to really think deep. 

Do I feel bitter? Do I feel lonely? Do I feel alone? To be honest. I dont know what the answer is. Its been a while since I last celebrated Valentine's Day. Maybe I wont really get a chance to celebrate it at all. 

I remember my Manager asked me yesterday, so whats your plan tomorrow? I looked at him very clueless. He just smiled and said--- its Valentines. I gave a sigh of relief (or was it?) it simply slipped my mind. I never really thought of it until going home lat at night yesterday seeing almost everyone bringing something for their special someone. 

2008. I think that was the last time I had a date on Valentine's Day. A date would mean --- going out on a dinner. Wearing something nice. Spening time with someone special. Its been 7 years. Ive been numb on what to really feel on a special night/day. 

I feel happy for my friends. I feel happy that they are happy. I guess thats how I celebrate Valentine's day ever since. I smile thinking that they are having the time of their lives. Something that I would never experience. Something that I could only dream of. Something that I would only see in pictures, movies, hear from stories. Something that would always be a dream that wont turn into reality. 

You can't get everything you want. Thats a sad reality that we all live by. But you can turn things up and make it worth while. 

I called home and had a little conversation with my mom. Told her how much I love her. Sent a few messages to close friends. And again, endless deep thoughts. 

Seeing them happy gives me a different kind of happiness. I thank God for making them happy. I thank God for making me feel that kind of happiness. 

I thank God for our ability to dream and imagine. Sometimes thats the only way I can be happy. My thoughts are my own. I can create a story with a very happy ending. I am the actor, i can choose all the cast, i am the director. I control how it will start, how it will end. 

I hope I can also do that in reality. 

I hope. 

-Z