"Keep on fighting" "Don't give up"
Those were just some of the words from my friends. But do they really mean it? Do they even realize what I have to suffer everyday just because they want me to STILL FIGHT FOR MY LIFE?
Do they even realize just because im not giving up, doesn't mean im not in pain emotionally and physically.
One word: SELFISHNESS!
I find people telling me not to give up SELFISH.
Its only for their own benefit. Something they can be happy about. I don't want to fight anymore. I want all my suffering to END already. I want the pain to go away. I want the emotional baggage away. They say the answer is simple. That I should just leave it all to God. Yes! Surprisingly. I know. But what if His plans are different? What if His plans are not the usual plans He has for people like me, for a dying person like me.
I know my posts are very much contradicting. Some days, im very much postive about fighting. But there are more days where Giving Up is the only way.
I want to give up because I am tired. I want to give up because I dont want to feel insecurity everyday. I want to give up because if I fight for it, WHAT WILL I GET?
There are a lot of stories about people like me. Dying. But are there stories about those who are left behind? Not much eh? I guess because when a person die. Its only a matter of time when those left behind will be able to move on with their lives. Like you just never existed. Its like personally, if i die today. After a month or so, everything will be the same again to those who are left behind.
They say they read this blog. That im not even sure. If they do. They shouldve already known by now how suicidal I am. Yet they DO NOTHING.
What if i do IT? What if i end myself?
I guess theres no one to blame but those people left behind not doing their job to really have me stay but instead just keep on saying " DON'T GIVE UP".
Let me ask you, if i dont give up, whats in it for YOU? BUT for me, if i still keep on fighting --
-Z
posted from Bloggeroid
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