Tomorrow- Dec 4, 2014. Will be my one year anniversary after being diagnosed with HIV. It seems like yesterday that I had a lot of dreams, a lot of years full of future plans, a lot of unimaginable ambitions, things to do, bucket lists of the millions ill be making when i finally establish myself as a business mogul.
But now, its all about living one day at a time. Living a single day as happy and simple as possible. Not knowing what tomorrow may bring. Not knowing how many years, months, days i have left. Not knowing what dreams to reach, what dreams are still attainable with my condition. A lot has changed since then. I became a humble person before my fellow and most importantly before God.
He took everything from me. And to that i am grateful. Coz if i still have my life before which is close to perfection, I would not have realized how much i needed Him. I would not have realized that apart from him, i am nothing.
Everyday is still a struggle. A struggle of acceptance. Its a battle I have to conquer everyday as I wake up and as i put myself to sleep. Everyday I have to accept that life would never be the same again. But along with the struggle is a great fullfilment and humility that comes along with it. As I struggle. The more I experience that i need God in my life. The more i became closer to Him. I think that is what life is all about.
He took away everything for a reason. For Him to be magnified in my life. That others may see how good of a Father He is. That others too will believe and be saved.
This is how my skin looks like after a year of non stop medication. And non stop allergy. I've spent nearly 60,000 since last year going from one doctor to another. Taking meds and lab test here and there.
It makes me realize how proud of a person I was before. Always on top of everything but God humbled me by giving me a skin like this. That I have to always remember that He is the ultimate God above all other material things on Earth.
Everyday, i tell myself its getting better. Its going away. Its getting clearer. My skin is getting better. Everyday im telling myself that I would soon wear a short sleeve shirt in public. Testify how I have been healed by God. How I have been healed by Him physically and spiritually.
I know everything will be better in His time. And by that time I know im already sitting beside Him in heaven. Amen Lord I say to all of these. Praise be Your name! That through my life, others will believe, will be thankful, will be more faithful to you. That even a sinner like me. A proud person like me. A guy full of allergies like me is still blessed by You. If this is how you use me Lord for others to be saved, let Your will be done. Let this be a testament of how your Grace is more than enough to me My Lord.
Amen.
-Z
posted from Bloggeroid
PS. Sorry the pictures were interchanged. :)
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