The Man Who Infected Me

If you happen to read my previous post. This is sort of a sequel to it. But just to give you a highlight of what happened, I talked to my friend who is currently dating the one i suspect to have given me HIV. I confronted him to have mr chinito get tested. 

And he came out positive. Long story short. Ive already confirmed who gave me HIV. 

I felt so much anger. That kind of anger that would allow you to do horrible things. His face and everything before him flashed before me. 

My plans. My hopes. My future. Flashed before me as well. I never stopped thinking about the possiblities. What if i never did that? What If i dont have HIV now? Where would I be? How would my life be? 

I cannot imagine the range of my anger during the time i found out he was reactive. Its like knowing the person who killed you. I never thought of his situation. All I can think of is mine. I was so self centered that time. All these happened on the saturday. 

I invited mr beach bum (my friend) and mr chinito (the one who infected me) over dinner saturday evening. I inteded to confront him. I intend to make him realize how messed up my life is because of what he did. 

But for some reason. I did not show up. I feel like it wouldnt make sense confronting him. I feel like it wouldnt do me or him any good at all. 

I tried to stay home that night. I cried out to God. Asking him WHY. Over and over again. 

My sunday came in as usual. I savored much needed sleep and rest. And went to church for my Victory Cell Group and attended the service after. 

I was surprised to see Mr beach bum ay church. I invited him last week. And i was happy to see him back after i invited him. I sat right next to him. He then told me that mr chinito is coming over. I couldnt say a word. I felt numb for a moment. I dont know how to react. I felt like crying. 

I stayed calm and composed. After the service. We had dinner. And then the TALK came in. Mr chinito opened up and suggested i should get tested for hiv. Little did he know what I was the mysterious guy whom Mr Beach bum is telling him. 

I told him that I already know everything. I told him that he infected me. He said his apologies. 

And I forgave him. 

God spoke to me that time. He made me realize how important it is to show other people what real humanity is all about. 

I have been forgiven by God. Who am i not to forgive. God first showed me the wicked ways Ive been doing. He gave me a lesson. He gave me a chance to correct the mistakes i did in the past. He accepted me back after i sinned against him a million times. 

I treated mr chinito with compasion. The one he truely deserves. I forgave him not because I have to. I forgave him because its the right thing to do. Its what God wants me to do. 

He may have ruined my life. But it is not a reason for me not to introduce him to God. Rather, its an opportunity for me to show him what kind of God i have. And im sharing that God to him. 

Thats how much God loves us. Yes. You! That no matter how wicked are ways are. No matter how bad we are. No matter how many times do we disappoint him. He is still there. Giving us hope and strength everyday. 

As for now. I will continue to do what He wants me to do. 

I am not 100% okay. But by His Grace. I know i will be. I know We will all be okay. In His time. 

-zach