Does it still count?

Ive been wanting to post this story since last week. But I figured that I should just let it go and see whats gonna happen. 

Since I was diagnosed. I cant help but think and recall who could possibly gave me HIV. And i could only think of one person. Lets try to call him Mr. Chinito. We met sept 2012. He was such a good guy. We dated. But it didn't worked out. And so i went on with my life. 

Fastforward to 2014. I saw my friend's instagram post sometime in January. Lets call him Mr. Beach bum. And i was shocked that he was going out with Mr. Chinito. I never gave a damn. Who am i to be in between them? They already know whats best for them. Long story short. I dont care. 

A few weeks after. I saw mr beach bum's post again. He was hospitalized. It got me worried. Thinking that Mr. Chinito is my primary suspect for giving me hiv. Without any second thoughts. I messaged mr beach bum and told him that i needed to talk to him. 

I had to contemplate if ill share my status or not. Its a risk i had to take. I didnt think of myself. All im thinking is to save someone from what im experiencing now. 

It was 2 weeks ago. I told him my status. He was very thankful since they're planning to do it the day after i told him. So he had to change plans knowing the possibility of what he might have. 

I told him not to disclose anything about me to mr chinito as of yet. I encourged him to have mr chinito tested. And they both did. 

Thank God he's negative. But mr chinito is not. So there. I finally know who technically ruined my life. I was about to meet them both last night. I had to back out and stay home. I cannot meet them while im still angry. I need to be composed and be matured when i face both of them. 

I cannot imagine myself facing mr chinito. Meeting the person who killed me. The person who crushed all my dreams. I could never be the same because of him. I would never be able to have a family because of him. I have to suffer all of this because of him. 

I know part of it is my fault. But i just cant help but think of thousand WHAT IFS. But what can i say. This is my fate already. No turning back. I just have to move on. And try to live normally. 

For now. I plan to talk to him and have him trace all of those whom he had contact with. I dont wany anyone to experience what im going through. Its a bad thing to have. It ruins your life. 

At this point. I cannot be selfish and just think of myself. If i can save a lot of people. I will. Regardless if it means revealing my status to a lot of strangers. I cant bare to let this happen to anyone else. 

Zach