Childhood Friends

Last night. I receive a very meaningful facebook message from one of my dearest friends in Malaysia. 

I have been blessed with friends lately. Ive met a lot of people after being diagnosed with HIV. I have new workmates. They accepted a sick-looking person like me. Even if its really evident on how sick i look like. They have not treated me like someone who is an outcast. 

Those people I've met after being diagnosed are those people i can really treasure the most. They took the time to know whats inside me. And disregarded my physical sick appearance. 

Going back. The message i received last night was an eye opener. I have thought of blaming my friends for just tolerating me of the numerous horrible things ive been doing before. But after thinking of it more deeper. There is really no one to blame, since first --- I have a choice. And i chose to do the one that could harm me. 

At this point. Im not thinking about what i could have done in the past. Since its already here. Ive come to realize that its better to just think about what am i going to do to make my life worth while. 

I thank God for my childhood friends. You know who you are. They stood by me through ALL times. One even said that even if my family would turn me down, her family would be there to support me. I would forever be thankful to all of you. 

My friend told me to change my lifestyle. Its the thing ive been wanting the most. But its really hard for me to let go of the thing ive been doing for so long. I know nothing is impossible. But I trust God that He would change everything in me. He already did. And i know He will still continue to sharpen my rough edges. 

Everyday. Is still a battle for me. A battle of myself trying to keep my body in good shape. And a battle for the virus in me that continues to consume me slowly each day. Its a matter of time. Its a matter of choices everyday. 

I do not know how to express how bad it is to have HIV. Its like you are dying slowly everyday. Its like everything in you is dying while you are still alive. 

I cannot control the virus in me. I cannot stop it. It saddens me to think about it. Its just a horrible thing to have. 

But i say to you. Behold! I have a God that is greater than any other thing there is. I have a God, creator of everything. I have a God, King of all Kings.  I have a God, above all things. I will keep on holding on. I will be a living testimony.