I just turned 26 a few weeks ago. Another year added to my boring life. Nothing much to really look forward. But a lot of things to be uncertain. Will I get successfull in a few years time? Will I even travel the world like I've always wanted to? Will I find someone to be with while I travel? Will I reach all my dreams? Will I still be alive in a few years time?
Every year added is like looking at the time bomb. Not knowing my end date. Not knowing if this year would be my last birthday. And as others say it. We just have to live as if today is the last. But all I ever wanted is just to live. Like everyone else. Not scared to what lies ahead.
My birthday was okay. Had to give it to my few close friends who made it a little special. I did not really enjoy it. I was in a group where I feel like I don't even exist. I was in a group where they don't really made it all about ME. Aside from about 5mins where they all sang a happy birthday song to me with cakes and balloons. But after that. I was just part of the unknown crowd again. That night, I feel like it wasn't really my night. I only knew like 4-6 people. And the rest? People Ive met for the first time who didn't even recognize that it was my party or something. Some where just people i know. People i dont really have deep friendship with. It was okay. It wasn't the kind that I wanted. But to say the least. Again. It was just okay.
During that night. I was just sitting in one corner. I was not happy. I feel like it wasn't my birthday. I guess I'm not really that important of a person to most people. I feel like i was just only there to pay all the bills. Let them eat and drink and that's it!
So anyway. On with my life. After my birthday. I got sick for about 6 days. Nothing serious. I wish it was though. But I'm still alive. Darn it!
Got a news that one of my good friend M attempted a suicide. So there goes my not so therapeutic advice again from one island to another. I've never really thought that a person who seemed to be the happiest person there is had suicidal thoughts. Which is scary. All the while I thought my suicidal thoughts were legit. Turned out it wasn't as close to his. But Im thankful that he is okay now. He'd better be!
What else? I guess Im just going to drown myself with work again until who knows when.
-Z
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