And you even call yourself my "friend" shame on you!

I haven't updated anyone in social media about this. Both pseudo and real accounts. Im still not posting anything. Not informing anyone about whats going on. Its been 4 days and counting. 

I guess it only shows how I don't exist to my "friends". Yes. You read it right. And i did not mistyped the quotation i placed in the word FRIENDS. 

Do they just depend on updates from me via twitter/facebook/instagram? Do I always have to be the one to tell them "hey, im sick. Hey, im dying. Hey, im in the hospital. Hey, i almost died". 

When will be the time when I can get a message from them saying "How are you?" "Im praying for you" "I hope youre doing good". 

Often times. I would tweet or message them in viber. Randomly asking them how they are. Or just simply saying "Good Morning". I guess its my way of telling them "hey im still alive. Fightig. As you all want me to do. As you all wanted me to be in."  

I don't know if they even notice that I was not able to tweet for 4 days now. Which is obviously a little strange to think that im a twitter and a social media junkie. Cyber world is my outlet. I don't know if they even notice my absence. 

None of them really CARED to send me a message. Well. There was one. Who happens to be a very good friend of mine. K---y asked me how my cd4 was. And i was only able to reply earlier today. 

So out of many "FRIENDS" I have. Only one cared to ask my results. Only one even remebered. 

I guess I will just increase the volume of my IV. 

And even if I die today. They still would not know. Unless of course someone woud just post RIP in my facebook wall. How pathetic! 

I guess i dont really have genuine people that REALLY cares. I guess they only care because I want them too. I guess Im that of a controller. I control people how to act and how to respond to my signs. 

I will continue to update my blog. Since no one is reading this anyway. Or if you are reading this now. I may be dead already. 

Lets see if there are people who will even send me a message after I post this. 

If dying or being in a critical condition doesnt even matter to them. Then so be it. I dont know if I even have friends to call after I get out of this place. 

I have become so desparate with their concern, care and understanding. I have become a burden to them already. I will learn how to move on by myself. 

I dont know if i can still trust people anymore. I dont know if I can still be the same person again. 

I almost died. And no one knows. Lets keep it that way shall we? 

- Z