A message from home

I cant let the day pass without sharing this text message.

After a series of ups and downs. My friends back home and college friends came to a point of telling one of my family member. I decided to have them share my condition with my cousin in Law. He has been like a father figure to me since i grew up without knowing a biological father. I remember him when i was just a kid. He used to be my clown in every birthday party. He used to be my entertainer. He was the one who brought me to my first movie house experience "babe in the city". I remember him treating me the movie. I was his first son prior to having his own. I was their so called practice child.

I was blessed to have him. Growing up. He became my algebra and geometry tutor. My life mentor as I go on with my life from high school to college. My first person to talk to when i first failed my accounting exam. He influenced me in a lot of ways.

So i decided to allow my home friends to share my condition to him and him alone. Its hard for me to think that in a few weeks time. I will go home and since we live in the same compound. I might jist cry seeing him.

Just received this message from a friend a few minutes ago. Since i told them im not ready to talk to him yet.

I cried. Non stop. I realized how God made me this tough. I didnt know how far ive gone. I didnt realize the things ive accomplised on my own. I did everything on my own. With only God as my refuge and strength.

I cant say im totally okay. Physically. Im getting dizzy everyday. Getting vomit like feelinf hourly. Its the weirest feeling ever. I dont feel confident if im not wearing long sleeves. I feel so ugly and dirty.

I had everything. And if it means lossing everything to know my purpose. Then so be it Lord.




-Z

posted from Bloggeroid

Day 1 with Treatment

So after getting my 2nd cd4 results last week. My ID doctor decided to enroll me in taking arvs. From 602 last december. In just 6 months it went down to 345. I couldnt figure the numbers at first. I was expecting it to be lower than the previous count. But not as low as this. And then it caught me. All those anti histamine. All those depression stage. Those might have been the reason why it dropped drastically. And my numbers are correct. Theoretically. I only have 6 months more or so. Given the same lifestyle same state of mind.

I went on wandering about my condition again. As i always do. I have always been alone in fighting for my condition. My family doesnt know it yet. And i dont know how to tell then given some family business problems we are having as well. I dont want to add anything to that.

I am taking lami/zido and efav. Completed 1 day already. And it feels like hell. This time though Hell in the physical stage. Which i think im taking a little bit okay. Its the efav that is making me really worry. That feeling of getting high. Feeling of everything spinning. Everything in slow motion. Feeling of getting really hot. Those were just some of the unexplainable feeling efav can give you. Not to mention the vivid dreams as well. Thinking that i will be experiencing them again in a few hours makes me want to cry already. But i know i have to be strong.

I think i can handle the physical discomfort of taking treatment. But thinking that i am with this alone is what makes me sad. It what makes me really feel sorry for myself. True. A lot of phone calls from close friends checking on you. But nothing really beats a phonecall from your family. Nothing really beats the physical connection. Its something ive been longing for quite a while now.

Taking arvs require great adherance to the pills. I should take them EXACTLY 9AM - 12NN -9PM. not a minute late or anything.  Its one hell of an adjustment. But im doing just fine on my own. I just dont know until when will i be okay with this.

I will be taking these drugs for the rest of my life until someone already find a cure.


-Z

posted from Bloggeroid