Starting the Year with a right mindset.

Theres not a day that I would not cry. Numerous were the times were there were no more tears to be shed already. As much as I wanted to reach out to other people, I must admit, I too need help emotionally. And I am forever grateful with friends. 

After sharing with them last month. I feel that some people deeply cared for you. Something I haven't felt for more than a year. 

I often see healthy people. When i scan my instagram timeline. All i see is wonderful lives flash before me. I cant seem to think how i would suppose to deal with all of those everyday. All i know is God is not punishing me. He loves me so much that He has a purpose of me being sick. Not everyone can claim that. And living with that conviction every single day is not easy. Its like you already know what the answers to your question are. But you just cant help but ask Him again. You cant help but break down and cry. 

I don't know if having a family would still be possibility for me. It would take a lot of courge for someone to randomly accept me for who i am. And for what I have. I dont know if who will go first. My mom or i. Reality check. My mom is not getting any younger. And me having this very unpredicable condition makes it worst. It breaks my heart knowing that all her life, she prepared for my future. And I dont know how to tell her that there isnt any future left for me. 

For those having this condition. ITS NOT EASY! It never will be. I smile. I do things normally. But at the end of the day. I would still have HIV. So take time to value everything in your life. You dont know what might happen to you in a few years. Have a support group of your own. Cry out to God. Let Him hear your cry. He listens and He alone can make you feel better more than anyone and anything else in this world. 

We are all in this together. Hit me an email if you have questions or if you want to share your story. iamlivingbyfaith2013@yahoo.com.ph