Incomplete Feeling.

Everything is falling into place. Everything is slowly going back to the way it was. 

But deep inside. There is still something missing. Its like im not yet whole. And the hole still wont close. 

I travel most of the time to see whats out there. To experience new things. To make new memories. And yes. To meet new people. Or just meet "the one". 

Its getting aburd everytime i think about it. I feel jealous with a lot of people who seems to be happy and complete. I guess after being diagnosed. Ive lost all the confidence there is to be out there and be that eligble bachelor some folks would even notice. I hardly get noticed. I guess thats why i always create drama everytime? I dont know actually. Its a strange feeling. 

Dont get me wrong. I dont want to sound so desperate. Maybe i kind of am right now at some point. But anyway. Thats whats on my mind now while waiting for boarding. 

Some say to love yourself and this and that. Which i obviously am doing. Slowly. And then everything will just follow. I sometimes want to ask people if there is something wrong with me? Like why the hell no one would like me or even get attracted. (You can stop reading, this might get worst) lol

Yes. I sometimes find it so unfair. Why some people easily meet other people. I mean. So easily. Are there any guidelines for that? Or is it just me and my stupid list of high standards? 

Ive always believed in sparks. That thing that you just instantly know that the person is The One. No matter how the person looks. Regardless of how that person scored in my checklist. If the spark is there. Thats just it. 

But ive meet a few people. And there isnt really any spark. Nothing at all. Or is it because its been so long that the feeling of that spark is redefined already? Am i already unable to feel it? Too numb perhaps? I dont know. 

So eer goes a lot of deep thinking if there is really something wrong with me. So if you manage to be reading up until this point. Well congratulations. You survived the mind of someone maybe too desperate to find someone. 

PS. I just need to know. 

-Z