I have not posted a lot lately. I had to check my last post and since then, a lot already happened.
My 24th was really a blast. First time to travel during my exact birthday. First time to be in two different regions/cities on the last hours of my 23rd and the first few hours of my 24th. My friends from college and back home really made it so special. Surprises here and there. I was really overwhelmed. I am blessed to have them.
It bought me into a reality that no matter how few friends i might have left. Few as they are, they're a gem worth keeping. That week was enough to keep me going for a few more days, weeks and months. I needed that time to realize how I am loved by few treasured people. I couldnt imagine how troubled i will be had i not experienced my 24th at home.
Met with few treasured friends. I had to arrange my schedule so bad. And im still amazed and humbled how they still accepted me despite of the sickness i have. We never really talked about my condition. We just enjoyed each other's company. It was indeed a blast!
Going home made me realized that it is where I have to be in my so called last remaining days.
I have decided to resign this April and be home for good to help with the family business and start up my own little venture as well.
I know my blog is very inconsistent. I guess thats how you describe my life now. Its always a series of ups and downs. Of laugther and depression. Lots of each. No one would ever realize how bad it is in my state. I couldnt even put words to describe it. Calling it depressing or depression is such an understatement.
In some cases. I would close my eyes too long and open them after. Thinking and hoping that when i open my eyes i would soon realize that everything is but a dream. But hey. This is reality. A very sad one that i have to live in. Everyday. Until the end.
My hopes are up at times. I manage to learn how to just cheer myself up everytime i feel insecure by a lot of things. Its a work in progress, a little subtle but we're getting there.
A lot of my very good friends. Including my cousin and cousin in law already knows my situation. No plans of telling my parents as of yet. I guess we'll get there in time. But for now, i depend on those people who knows about it.
My emotions are like of a roller coaster. Full of ups and downs. Twist and turns. I dont have the means to control it.
For now. I just have to pull myself up everyday. Tell myself every morning that everything will be okay. That everything has its reason. That life here on earth will soon pass. That my suffering is just temporary. That God is my ultimate joy and my salvation and strenght. Theres not a person that would do that everyday aside from myself.
So yes! Thats where i am now. Trying to get better.
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